Episode 64: What to do for our Kids...Pornography Exposure & Mental Health

Understanding our children’s mental health needs is just as important as scheduling their dental check up’s. My guest is Maurice Harker CMHC of Life Changing Services. He passionately shares what to say to our children and how to help arm them with knowledge to face the world of pornography and addiction, as well as being proactive in their mental and emotional health. He gives examples and dialogue of what to do and how to do it when talking with our kids. Don’t rely on yourself to figure it out. Ask the professionals. Maurice knows so much about what our kids need! And he packs this episode with his knowledge.

Episode Transcription:

(This transcript was created using software. Please be advised that it won't be 100% accurate, and it may contain formatting errors.)

Welcome back to the Choose in Podcast. I'm your host, Roxanne Granada. And again, I have with me Maurice Harker of Life Changing Services, you're so happy that you're back. Maurice is the owner and director of Life Changing Services. He has no we didn't talk about this last time Maurice. But your company I see has over 35 clinicians in it, which and mentors and other people. So you guys coach over 1000 clients per week, I didn't mention that. And that's pretty cool, because he knows his stuff.

And And today, I have him on here because we're going to be talking about our kids, our youth are teenagers, or young adults or young single adults that are in our homes, or that are part of our families that are struggling with pornography, sex, addiction, all of these kinds of things. And he has programs that have helped people for a number of years, he has the sons of healing program. He has the daughters of light, and he has an eternal warriors training and other things. But he knows his stuff.

You heard him already. You've talked to him, you've listened to our last podcast, where we talked about women and other things with betrayal and how to navigate that. And today is all about her kids, which I know you guys have been waiting for. I've had several, several emails over the past year and a half of can you tell me what to do with my child and how I can help them because the it's typical that we want to go no, no, no, no, don't do that. Don't do that. And and it shames them and, and we just love our kids. And we want some insight and wisdom. And Maurice is here to help us with that. So Maurice. So welcome back again.

Thank you. Thank you, I love talking to you and your people, I hope to serve them well today.

Well, I know you will. And they are aware of you. They have heard me talk about you in several episodes, as well as in my book. And so I think they're ready for it. And if they heard last week, they know they're in for a really good time with amazing information, huge insight and awareness. So we're talking about kids, today, we're talking about that this is a really hard thing. Pornography is in their face, it's happening all the time. And we as parents sometimes don't know what to do, and we don't know what to say, but we want to help them. We don't want to hinder them. We just don't know, we just don't know how to go about doing it. So let's start there. Give us some of the beginning of that, where you're kind of thinking and then we'll see what questions come up for us.

Thank you. Alright, it's gonna sound like I'm beating around the bush at first when I talk about this, but in order to approach it correctly, we got a few energies in our society that we have to work against. And one of them is the fixed or the Healthy People fixing the broken people psychology. Okay. When you spend a lot of time in an office like mine, and you get to interview a lot of broken people, okay? Unfortunately, a common experience that is had is the the youth or the adult is brought in my office, almost like dropping off your car at the mechanic. Okay, the people are like, my loved one is broken, would you please fix them?

I can imagine that I see them like putting their hands out. Here you go. I'll be back. And I want the repairs done.

Yeah. Now, if we look at that, from the person's perspective, the teenagers perspective or the broken husband's perspective or something like that, any time a conversation is had with the healthy People, okay? It's almost like being that car that's broken down in the driveway. And for Christmas, your owners get another toolbar and you see them wheeling it over, and they're going to fix me again.

Okay, now the paradox is in the same breath, these people who are the healthy ones versus the broken ones are saying, No, I can relate to you. I'm in this with you, we are together. And they're saying well Then why'd you act like the healthy one and I'm like the broken one all the time. And so the fastest way to have a broken person ignore you, is for it to become obvious that you're the healthy one and they're the broken one. Because relatability is out the window. So if I come to you with a any tool that someone gives me, so you got to be very careful. But I the tool I'm going to give you and the way I'm going to teach you how to use it is going to keep you from looking like that.

We're ready. We need this tool I can tell. Okay,

Now the unfortunate part for my ego is that I did not come up with this tool. Some guy named Russell something else, and some of them blah, blah, blah, came up with this tool. Okay, you might know him, some of you think he's famous, etc, etc. But I must resign myself to the possibility he's smarter than me. And I started studying a tool that he and his team put together for youth about two years ago, just a little bit less than two years ago, when he wiped out the entire youth program and replaced it with an eight page booklet. Now, being the scientist that I am, I like to reverse engineer anything that's like that, and I go, What is he doing? Why would he risk wiping out a program for an eight page booklet.

So I spent some time studying it. The first few pages are very interesting. But there's a page called a pattern for growth, that is one of the most vital ones to look at. Now, I need to back up a little bit. I was reviewing some old conference talks, and I was listening to one from 1971 kay some of us were a bit young in 1971. Now, interestingly, he one of the speakers made a comment that he said, I'm in the presence of many youth, who will be the noble and great ones of the final generation. Now I was in a large meeting once and asked how many of you were used back in 71. And how many of us continue to be noble and great ones, or at least on the list of potential ones.

And the reason I keep emphasizing that is because if you're going to understand the attacks on the human spirit and mind of the modern day, you have to have some spiritual context for it. Over 7000 years ago, there was a war that we've heard about where a very large army went up against another very large army. And it is very appropriate to come to the conclusion that there's some military strategy involved in that. And one strategy in large army versus large army military situations is to wipe out the leaders of the other side. Because if you can wipe out the leaders, you can create a whole bunch of chaos with the followers.

And so when I teach what I teach about modern day psychology, if you feel like you and or your child is getting an inordinate amount of satanic attacks, it's because an extra number of the other side's warriors are being assigned to your great and noble child, the mistake of thinking my child is being attacked because they are weak is a problem. All right. Now, if you're going to be the mentor of one of the noble and great ones, imagine being assigned to be the caretaker of one of the few life's or the futures greatest people. If any of you women have imagined being Mary the mother of Jesus, you can go whoa, there's a bit of responsibility there. Alright. So this tool, Let me transfer back to how to use the tool.

This tool, I call it the D par, which is not what Nelson calls it. He just calls it the Discover, plan, act reflect, developmental process. All right. Now, bear with me, I'll show you how all this fits together. And it's very vital that you let me do this slowly. Otherwise, you'll be as impatient as your children are. So usually, whenever we find a tool that helps a another person to discover what they need to work on, plan ways to work on it, act upon those plans, and then reflect on how it's done, we quickly will the tool over to them and start using it to fix them. If you would like to prove to your loved ones that you are on the same page as them that you are also one of the noble and great ones who's been attacked by the dark side.

The first time you introduce this tool to them, you must show them how it fits on you. Hmm, interesting, okay. So the first thing you do and be prepared to this has been a mortify some of you, you must stand in front of your loved ones in a setting where you say today we're going to discuss my sins. We're going to discuss my psychological warfare with the dark side. We're going to give you a window into my mind in the same way that I would show you how to bake bread by doing it first and then letting you try. I'm going to show you how to work through temptation and winning a battle with Satan. The way I have had to do it.

That is awesome because we generally have a lot of pride where we want to be already doing well, right. We don't want our kids to know all the times that we had problems or that we made mistakes. We want them to look up to us as the roadmap of being perfect right doing it the right way. So to to take that pride and ego off and be like you You know what I am just, I'm not here to control you or tell you to be perfect. I'm here to walk alongside you, and help you learn the process to keep going. It's like linking arms with your child versus telling them and shaking the finger at them, like you will do this. And here's the tools and here's the stuff. It's like I am with you. It doesn't matter if you're perfect or not, because I'm just walking alongside you helping you navigate this.

So to be even more scary about it, make sure you don't choose a sin you used to have. You choose a sin you currently have.

Interesting, okay. Oh, wow, that that feels, I kind of got a little bit like whoa, like that's a vulnerable place to be you think? Uh huh, right. Okay, I see your point, though. I see where this is going. So Okay, keep going.

No, it gets worse.

I bet it does with you. I'm sure it does. But worse is always good, because we're just gonna undo, uncover and then get everything out.

All right, so now you can do it in one way where you go alright, discover is when we look at our lives, and we take a discovery approach to what needs to be worked on. But a mom can be a little more self psychologically safe by saying instead of having you guys, my youth, my loved ones, my children list all of the things I could work on. Okay, I've chosen one. And I'm choosing to list occasionally, yes, rarely, I lose my patience with my children and elevate my voice.

Okay. Now, imagine putting that at the top of a chalkboard in front of your kids where they can see your sin in front of everybody. Now, here's the next scary part. The Discover phase if you were to do it with your child, and we're discussing ways he could win his battle with pornography or win her battle with negative thoughts, etc, etc, you would do lots of discovery for them. You could try this. You could try this. You can try this. You can try this. Imagine inviting your children to do discovery for you.

Oh, wow. Okay, cool.

Mom, you Duct tape your face and tie yourself in a closet. Kay, you can take more Xanax, mom and just leave us alone? I think you should try alcohol. I've tried it. It works for me, mom. So you get all these ideas? And how fun is it to get lots of other people's ideas on what you need to fix?

Right? Wow, that puts it in a really good perspective.

Okay, see, see? Can you see now why the when you are always the one fixing somebody else, you don't have empathy for the getting fixed process. Now you say Alright, I've heard your great ideas. Okay, thank you for all these ideas. We can stop now with the ideas. Oh, what mom, when I say you, we can stop with your ideas. You keep bulldozing me, but you want me to stop with my ideas for you? Yeah. Okay, then you say we're now gonna move from design ideas or discover to plan. Now I'm going to make a plan of what I'm going to do with my own pondering of what I'm going to do to implement some of these ideas so that I can actually become a better person. And you do that on a chalkboard in front of them.

I love it. Okay, awesome.

And then you put your bullet points of your actions on Mondays, I'm gonna do this on Tuesdays, I'm gonna do this Wednesday. And then next week, you guys get to be my accountability friends. So right, reflect on how good I did. Now, here's how this works with pornography. Okay. During this process, I hope that the mother starts to get a very strong testimony of satanic attacks on herself, where she starts to experience the temptation to yell at the children the argument in her head, but you know, I teach about a thing called a chemical scale that will talk you through what where your brain is at on how close you are to crossing your own boundaries, your own line, and how agonizing it is to decide do I yell?

Do I not yell? Do I yell? Do I not yell? We call that a level 4 OK? Or I'm sick and tired of these kids. I don't know what else to do with them. Okay, that's a level two, all these different things that go on inside their head, that could lead to a level 10, which is where we actually behave contrary to our value system. And we break our own rules. Okay, we you go through a week of that, to feel what that feels like. And you go, Oh, my gosh, this is a real struggle, especially when you know, you're gonna have to talk it through with the kids on Sunday, next week. Alright, and you bring it back.

And what's gonna start to happen is you're going to gain a testimony of how hard it is for these kids. After one or two weeks of this, just say, Okay, now that I've been vulnerable with you, I will be meeting with you one at a time. And we're gonna have two pieces of paper in front of us. One of them is my de par where we'll spend a few minutes reviewing what I'm doing to improve on what it's like for me. And then next to that, we're going to start doing a de par for you. We're going to take a look at the next Most important thing for you to watch out for.

Okay, and we're gonna do some discovery together, we're not gonna involve your siblings on that, because we don't need their feedback on. Okay? We don't need a group opinion of what you need to work on. Then we're going to walk you through planning, acting, and we're going to reflect, and we're going to share the agony of how this battle feels. Because that's the only part that's relatable. Whether it's pornography or yelling at your children, the psychological process is the same. It's the same process of I know I shouldn't do this. I don't know why I'm feeling tempted to do it. I feel like I need to yell at my children. Now. That same feeling a mother has when she feels like she needs to yell at a show has the same feeling when someone says I need to look at pornography. It feels crazy. Especially when you look at the rearview mirror.

And especially when you were talking about about having that awareness where we just naturally live our lives, right kind of in an unconscious state. And we're yelling at our kids or doing some of these things we're talking about. We haven't necessarily thought about it, maybe every once in a while, like, oh, I shouldn't have yelled today. But in the moment, we're just just not even conscious just doing it. It's habitual. So when we take that time to identify something that is harming us or our family, and lay it out there, like you said, you'll notice that the satanic attacks, you'll notice, when you have you're like, Ooh, I really want to yell where before you just did it.

And now you are in awareness. And that awareness is that first piece right of change of learning to do a different of creating the plan. And it puts us down on that level with our children. When we have this issue we're working on like, this is how life is. And this is how we should constantly be forever is identifying and noticing and being aware of what we're actually doing. our behaviors, our thoughts, actions, everything. And when we do that, we can also identify with a child and they'll trust us more, they'll trust us that I can tell her because she was telling me

There's a lot more we can build upon this process. There's the how do you get it to the point where you're talking about very sensitive issues, I hope that you have a vision that if you started this with a 12 or 13 year old, and you just did this like on a weekly basis, or once a month basis, how you're sharing de pars with each other. And they fill this camaraderie with you going through their adolescence into adulthood, and it never feels like the healthy person fixing the broken person.

Now, for those of you who aren't perfect yet, okay, all right, for those who have a desire to do this, right. But to know they're going to take some time to get it right and can't wait for their child's development for the parent to get really good at this stuff. I was pondering a little while ago about a serious flaw in our overall society, our culture about an understanding of how to approach such things. Kay when we, as mothers have a child coming of age, even at a young age, we have a very common understanding that a good mom will take her child to the dentist for an examination about once every six months to look for things the mother cannot detect, and to have a professional make recommendations based on their X rays and observing.

And then the family has the option to follow the recommendations or not. And the reason we do it every six months, is because something new can come up every six months. I have this idea, this hope this dream that we all start to understand that something unfortunate can start to develop in the human brain less than every six months like it can with your teeth. And when a mother doesn't quite know what to do with the child's teeth, she has a reliable professional that she can take her child to and say, would you please examine my child's teeth and make some recommendations? What if we were able to shift society's opinion of mental health experiences because things come up and develop? What if it was normal for mothers to take their children to a carefully studied professional once every six months throughout their entire developmental years?

Now it'd be amazing. Wow.

Okay. What if it was no longer? Oh my gosh, you took your child to the dentist? Oh, what is wrong with your child? Should they go to an insane asylum because they might have dental issues? Okay, everyone in the media is talking about how everyone is dealing with mental health strains. Whether it's your peers with the media, whether it's social, psychological abuse, whether it's relationship trauma, whether it's sexual abuse, what are the chances someone's going to reach age 15 without some type of very challenging psychological experience, whether actually external or internal?

And then wait, let's rely on the moms to diagnose it and to cure it. Okay? How horribly difficult is that on a woman's mind, I cannot tell you how many women I have crying in my office because I waited too long to bring them in to get checked, I should have known better, how come I didn't know how to do all these psychological things with my kid. I know, I should remember that they're specialists for this. But with dental stuff, I just got pliers and a screwdriver. And I started hammering on my kids face because it's the best I knew how to do. And so that's what I've done my kids psychology. What if it was normal to take your child in every six months for a psychological checkup.

And we trusted professionals to do careful X rays and make recommendations without thinking they're going to just make up reasons to see my kids so they can drown my bank account of money, because they just make stuff up. Okay, because there's not anything really wrong with my cat child, even though they're crying for 50% of every day, or they're hurled in a ball. And if you just shake your finger at him enough, they should be healthy again. So mothers, I beg of you relieve yourself of the burden of being able to diagnose and treat your children's mental wellness.

Wow, and what a gift that would be to your child. The thing is, and I've said this before, to my listeners on my podcast, but as adults, when we have a problem, we have someone to talk to, we talk to our partner, or our best friend or someone at group, if we have a group, we have somebody to kind of run it by most of the time, not all the time, not everybody, but we can have access to that if we choose to where our kid, a lot of times they don't, they don't come to you and tell you all the little things, they try to manage it on their own. So it's in their own head swirling around in there. And they're trying to figure it out.

And instead of knowing the tools, because they don't know them, they they're trying to go okay, well, I'm just going to try harder, I'm never going to do that again. And then if this bad thing happened to me, it's okay, I'm just going to push it out of my mind instead of like you said, helping them showing them love by saying, I don't know how to do this, I don't know how to fix your teeth. Right? We have no problem saying that. So so we shouldn't try to think that we know how to fix them with their mental health or emotional well being or any of those things. If we have not been trained in those things and know how to look for it.

We don't know, we don't know. So that's such a huge gift for our children to say I love you so much. I want to take you somewhere and you can just talk to them, tell them about what's going on in school and with your friends and different things and see what comes up. Because if we can help them and they relieve that and they come out of there going, Wow, that felt really good to share that, then that's just a huge gift for them for the rest of their life. Because then anything else that arises in their relationships as older people they'll know exactly what to do as well.

As a clinician,I have really enjoyed like if a child is brought to me in their early teens for some issue and we work through it. And then something comes up three years later, for them to be able to not fear therapy for them not to fear a therapist and they can just come right in and go okay Maurice I got a new thing for you. We don't have to do all the relationship building stuff. We don't have to do the trust stuff. And so if you want your child to feel like it's normal, and it's not scary, and it's not weird. In the same way you don't ask your kid would you like to go see a dentist?

Who, what mothers would ask their child if they would like to go see a dentist? You just say I've made an appointment for you to have a checkup. And the kid says, All right, whatever. Okay, fine, I'll go. So mothers don't wait until the tooth is obsessing and they're bleeding all over in their gums. Kay, a mother takes their child in for dental checkups because they feel like it's a good thing to do on a regular basis just because as a gift to all your listeners. I'm going to give Roxanne a link. And for those of you who use this link, I will give you one free 30 minute consultation over the need of your child. Okay,

okay. That is that is Wonder until

I can't keep up with them.

Right? Like if there's, yeah,

all it is is a link to a calendar. You'd open it up, you make the appointment. That's all you have to do. You give me some notes on the circumstance. I expect to meet your loved one and do an examination on their brain to see what's going on for them. I've been practicing I can do this in 30 minutes. Right. And I will great I will make some recommendations on what I think you should do. Whether it's if there's a lollipop, I'll see you in six months because you're doing fine. Or you need an inpatient treatment facility for seven years at $10,000 a pop. Okay.

Okay, so I see where you're going

I'll try to give you the least expensive recommendation. Alright. But please, mothers, please, and please pass this mentality on. Okay, only mothers can pass this on to mothers. If it's normal to take your child in for dental checkups, then it should be normal to take them in for mental health checkups.

If women as mothers, we're doing that and going in for our own mental checkups at times, when we need it, then we won't be doing the thing. We talked about the beginning like throwing our kid fix them, I'll be back in an hour to get them right. We'll be we'll be right there with them. And we'll know that, oh, wow, I get great resources. When I go, I'm going to help my child get great research sources for themselves. So that that's amazing. All of that, to me. It's, it's about take well, there's a lot of things that it's about. But one of the things I wanted to say was that sometimes we have shame around if our child is doing something wrong, right.

So that shows us if we're having shame, like, Oh, my child's doing this, my child viewed pornography, but that will tell you give you an awareness that you need to talk through your stuff as well, because it doesn't need to be shameful. We just need to do this. We just need to help ourselves, hey, this is the struggle. I like the comment of the guy coming in and just like, Okay, this week I got for you this week. That's how I was with my therapist. I'm back. I mean, I was back every week, but it's like, okay, this is what's going on now for me, or this is what came up for me now. And it made it normal, which helped me to get through it faster.

So what would you tell these parents or any parents obviously, when they find out or when they know or, or even at the beginning, I know what you're saying, like get him into see a professional so they can get diagnosed first or the so they can get the checkup going. But if we are past that, and they know their child's already struggling with pornography, right? The next step, obviously, is to contact you get the 30 minute session going and see what happens.

But what is can you tell them even one little way to it to come to their child with a phrase or with a statement that changes because they might have already done the whole thing like, don't ever look at that, again, this is how you stop that, you know, just say your prayers, just stay away from it. Just don't be on your phone, like all the things that aren't necessarily going to work, but they're out of fear that we say, right, so what is just something we can give them as a tool to say, this is kind of what you can do to open up the conversation or to come forward to your child, I think you I can see you shaking your head, you know where I'm going.

Let me just say I'm glad I'm not a mom. Because you guys try so hard. And it's it's a lose lose, like almost everything you try to do or say is you don't get to get a positive response to it. And so any tool I give you is not guaranteed to produce a positive response. But if you've tried a few things, or if you haven't tried anything, one of the first things, especially if you're dealing with a son, is you put yourself in a neutral playing ground where you say, Son, perhaps I've been approached in this all the wrong way.

But I've never been a teenage boy before. Part of what that does is it takes you out of the know it all  position. Because they're going to fight with you over the know it all position. I know what's better for you, I know what you need to do, etc, etc,etc. Okay, you can add layers to that, like, I've never been a teenage boy with sexual hormones before. I've never been a teenage I have no idea what it's like for you to fight off temptation. I don't know what that's like. So part of what you're doing is you're trying to those are very empathetic statements. A lot of mothers say, I can't say that, then he'll never trust what I have to say again, because I just told him, I don't know anything. Paradoxically, he actually will take you more seriously.

If you tell him what you don't know. This is what also opens the door up to inviting a specialist into the conversation because I've never been a teenage boy before. I don't know exactly how to help you. I can try to help you and I will try to do things that will help. Then once you say those things, I mean, there's it's an elongated element of conversation where I want the mothers to do everything they can to protect their home blocking devices, etc, etc. Okay, that's fine. I want you to put all the safeguards you can to keep your home safe. That's not the same as controlling a child controlling the electronic world controlling the Wi Fi controlling all this that's not controlling them.

That's just controlling the environment. I have no problem with mothers doing that. Okay, of course, the teenager or the youth will fight it will be complained about and say you're controlling me which you're not. Then there's a whole long list of different ways to approach the empowerment of the child to become better. I believe what I've said is probably the best thing to start with, because it will put you in a place of connection with them. I've never been a boy before. I don't know this like it must be scary for you. This must be hard for you.

And if you don't know this moms, boys don't like being perverts. Boys don't like lacking sexual self mastery. Please don't assume this is fun for them. Please don't assume they like it. They don't need to be hammered into place. It's already scary enough, they'll fight back, they'll be resistant. Sometimes, they'll either be mortified or there'll be scared. There's lots of different boy reactions that usually involve some kind of anger. But when I meet with a young man, I always ask them,

Are you here by choice, or were you forced? And the healthiest answer for boy is both, because they won't come unless they're pushed a little bit. Because that would be admitting that I'm a weak man. So I need to be pushed a little bit. But it's also by choice, because I wouldn't let my mom push me if I wasn't willing to be here to a degree. And so when you set up your appointments, so it was don't ask them if they want an appointment. Okay, it's just like the dentist, I've made an appointment for you. It's on Thursday at three, I'll take you in at that time.

Well, I liked all that stuff that you said that that is so so helpful. And it puts you as the mom in a neutral position, versus coming in as the authority figure on knowing all of this stuff. When we say I don't know, then they're their natural defense that's ready to fight back with you goes down, it's like they can breathe for a second, okay, they calm down, you can watch their body do it when you come in and say, I don't know how to help you, or what to say or what you're feeling. But I want to try, and I want to be there with you.

And I want to you know, learn and have the resources, because you're worth it to me, for me to hear and learn what it is you're going through. Because I want to be by your side, I might not have any wisdom or insight, but I can say to you, Wow, that must be really difficult. Let's find out what to do about that. So that you feel free so that you feel better, because I'm with you. There has not been one person that I've talked to you that says I love being in addiction.

Right? Not me. I mean, I'm sure there are people that have chosen that in their life, but they are sad. They are grieving girls and boys, everybody. Girls don't like it either. And it's not about perversion, it's just how can we help them navigate through this, this thing that's happening in their world is all around them. And they're not going to be getting away from it without the help that we can offer them. So I appreciate that so much. And I appreciate you giving them the free 30 minute session to assess and evaluate and check in with them so that they have somewhere to go so they can go okay, I have a plan. This is what I'm going to do. So please take advantage of that.

From Maurice that is so kind. He's a busy, busy person. He has lots of things that he's doing. And it's important, it's important work, and I'm so glad that you're doing it. Okay, Maurice, so you have some programs for these youth for these kids. You want to tell them how well we know how to find that, but on your website at lifechangingservices.org. But tell them just as quick thing about what you have for these children besides your 30 minute consultation fee

Due to my background in sports and athleticism, etc, etc. And understanding that there's a difference between trying to motivate people and training them. The youth that I've met don't need to be motivated to acquire sexual self mastery. They're already motivated, they just need to be trained. I was very excited. In the last general conference, Sister Jones taught a lesson about training. She talked about the soldier who was mad at the trainer for making them lay down in the hot sun for hours, but it ended up helping them stay alive.

She also talked about doing role plays with them to say how are you going to respond to this? How are you going to respond to that? We've developed a training system for the young men called sons of Helaman. Okay, we intentionally call it something and because it is a military like training system, where we drill them and drill them and drill them. This is not a support group. I want to warn you about that. Okay, it's about as fun as going to boot camp. All right. So if the young man just needs a hug, then that's the wrong place to go. Now, in the same way that a boot camp can create very strong brotherhood amongst men.

That is the end product. But the goal during the sessions is to train what if this happens, what if that happens? What if you're in a bad mood? What if your mom's yelling at you? What if you're alone with your computer? What if what if, what if, what if, and we push them harder than any mother would? Okay, in the same way that bootcamp instructors will push harder than moms will to prepare for war? We push them hard, okay. And when they leave, you can't tell because they're all laughing and playing and excited to be in each other's presence, because they're confident because boys can laugh when they're confident because they've been trained.

Okay? And so, the most likely outcome if we calculate that your loved one has a significant self mastery problem, that they need to be trained, we would recommend them enroll in sons of Helaman. The twin program of that for the girls is called Daughters of light. There is a bit of a difference in the way that system runs because There's a bit of a difference in the way girl brains work. But our specialist and Melody Miln combined with the preliminary work done by Mindy lundgreen, to set the stage for that program, they will be trained correctly on self mastery for girls, the adult version of sons of humans called Men of Moroni.

Okay, and the adult version of daughters of light is called Warrior Women of light. And so those are our four self mastery training systems. Many youth nowadays are joining it before they reach the addict level so they can avoid becoming addicts. So if your loved one just wants to be trained in sexual self mastery, this is a great place to train them. It is a success based program, which means those who Achieve Self Mastery faster, graduate faster, a minimum of 12 weeks. And again, it's almost for nothing for only $60 For every two hour session, 1/4 of the price of therapy,

wonderful resources, those are so such great resources in your book, Like Dragons They Did Fight, you talked about the concept of the fire drill at the school and how teachers, they train you the fire drill goes off and you go like, well, first you go into your chair, you do something else or whatever, and then you know exactly what to do, oh, we're gonna line up and then we're gonna walk outside, if you know what to do. So you're not afraid when the fire drill goes off. And it's not a drill, you know exactly what to do. And that I love that concept.

Because when we empower our kids to be able to handle the situations ahead, just like we did, teaching them, like don't do drugs. These are the drugs you might find these are what someone might offer to you, they're prepared and like you said, they can have confidence and then they can, they can go through going I know what to do. And then they also can let go of the shame of of that thing of thinking they're weak because they don't have sexual mastery. Right? They can have it and they want it. They just don't know how to achieve it. So we need to help them.

So Maurice again, I'm so glad you were here with us. You have such great insight and wisdom to help us as parents to help our children and I'm so glad you were here and thank you for the resources that you gave. I will definitely add those in the show notes. You'll be able to find him on his website. And as always, if you need any help from me go to my website, RoxanneKennedygranada.com and I will see you next time

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