Choose In Podcast with Roxanne Kennedy Granata
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November 2, 2020

Episode 36: Our Personal Moving Sidewalk of Healing

We are always moving forward watching and noticing what comes into our path. Sometimes it’s to pause and take notice. Other times we see what action to take in our healing of trauma, abuse, betrayal, or personal limitations. We can find hope knowing that we are exactly where we need to be at any given moment.


Today, we're going to be talking about moving sidewalks. I know, it's kind of crazy, you know, the moving sidewalks at the airport. My husband and I were having a conversation this morning. And this metaphor popped into my mind about the moving sidewalks at the airport. And so as we discussed this, we're going to be talking about all the things we see along the moving sidewalk, that help us aid us distract us, whatever it is, in our progress to healing and into seeing the truth of what our situation is.  

It's so important as we're walking, as we're standing as we're moving on this sidewalk to realize that the sidewalk is helping us it's moving us along. It doesn't stop. We can stand there, we can walk fast, we can sit down if we want to. But it's continually slowly propelling us forward. It's going to continue showing us what we need to be doing, what the next step is taking us to our next place to go. Each little thing we do matters. It's not like things come in these big huge steps, do this, and then boom, all of a sudden, this works.

Or this is okay, or this changes or all as well. It's not like that. We are consistently doing the small tasks every single day. And as we do those, these things add up, we start seeing the changes, we start becoming the changes. It's not overnight, it's not in an instant. But it does happen. The little things actually matter. They are what moves us on our moving sidewalk. Sometimes we get in this place where we feel like nothing I'm doing is working.

And it feels like it's going on forever and ever and ever. I can't tell you how many times I thought is this done yet. Like I can't do this anymore. This feels insane. And I feel crazy, and I am sad every single day. And it's takes so much effort just to make it through the day, I found myself counting down the hours, counting down the days, counting down the months counting down the years. Okay, okay, I just have to make it through this. And then it'll be over and then it's over. And then it's over. And then it's over. I wasn't truly taking it all in or truly living.

I was in trauma, I was in pain, I was in sadness, I didn't know how to function any other way than just getting through the day or the situation. So we're going to take this moving sidewalk, and we're going to take it to the mall. So now picture this moving sidewalk, and it's going down the mall in front of all the stores, there is a railing on it. So you can turn and hold the railing as it's moving by. And you're going to be slowly noticing these stores. Imagine that it takes about maybe five or so seconds in front of each store so you can kind of see what it is and then it slowly passes and then you come to the next one.

So you're on this moving sidewalk, sometimes you know exactly where you're going. And so you're like speed walking, sometimes you're just at a slow pace. And you're like, Okay, I see that over there. I see that over there. I see that over there. Sometimes you don't know what to do. So you're standing there looking at each store, and trying to take it in and trying to figure out what store you're actually supposed to go to. And sometimes you sit down, turn your back to the stores, cover your eyes, and just wait.

We're going to talk about those things, when we're just waiting, when we're sitting on the ground, holding our knees, putting our head in our lap, all in a ball because we can't do this, oh my gosh, like we cannot do this anymore. This is insane that we're even asked to do this. We sit there and sit there and sit there. But what ends up happening, eventually, we're just still sitting in there in that place of I don't know how to do this. When you have a work assignment or a school assignment or a community thing that you're supposed to be doing or in charge of.

You only can sit in that feeling of overwhelm for so long. And then you usually choose to stand up, turn around, look around and decide how you're going to tackle the project. So this is no different with our own emotional well being. So that's one way we cope. But I'll remind you that even when we have to take a break, even when we need a little reprieve from thinking, from planning from deciding from working, our moving sidewalk is still going.

So even though sometimes it feels like we're either moving backwards, or we're not moving at all, because of our effort before we sat down, things are still working in our path for our good for our future, it's still happening, we don't have to run on empty, because if we stop, everything stops. So if that's where you are right now, imagine yourself sitting on the floor on the ground of your moving sidewalk, hands all around, you curled up kind of in a ball.

But imagine that you have support around you imagine that you have either friends or family, or your past self that has already done work to help you get through this, or your counselor or a guide or mentor, God or your higher power, anything, anything that you can tell yourself and show yourself that you are not sitting in that ball alone, that even that ball has purpose, there is purpose in each piece, you know how we have the grief cycle. And we have all the different things we have the grief, the sadness, the bargaining, the denial, we have all the different stages, right?

They're all imperative that we go through those things. So we can feel them all. It's the same with going through this type of pain, when you're trying to figure out what to do in your life. When you've been through something hard. When you have addiction in your family when you've been betrayed, when you've been rejected when you felt abandoned, when you've done those things to somebody else, we have to feel all the levels. So one of them is the one where we can't go on anymore.

Give yourself some empathy, if you are in that situation, or next time you are because you know there's going to be a next time, you know, there will be a day or a half a day or an hour where you feel incapable lonely, sad, depressed, anxious, unwilling to do the work overwhelmed, and feeling like this takes too long to figure all of this out. I just want to see the end result. Hug yourself in that place. And remember, oh, yeah, this is part of the trauma cycle that we have to go through.

I'm going to be okay, I'm going to be standing up in a minute, but I'm going to offer myself some grace and some love when I'm in this place. Okay, let's talk about the next one, which is that we have now stood up on our moving sidewalk, we're at the mall, and we are leaned against the railing looking at the stores that are in front of us. So imagine that these stores that we're seeing are all the different things that have to do with our life, the possibility of what our life could look like, all the different choices, tools, distractions, anything you can think of. It's there.

So as we're looking at these stores, and we're passing them, we have one that is like, well, that looks fun. It's kind of loud. There's a lot of music people are laughing in there. We keep going, Oh, this one, yes. This one is all the things that I use to numb, maybe numbing is exercise or food or watching TV or playing games on your phone or scrolling social media. And you're like, Oh, yeah, that always feels so relieving, to not have to worry or think about anything else. As you keep going up ahead. You're seeing all this light coming out of this one store.

You're like, what is that up there? Because of that light, you're not even noticing the other stores that you're passing? You're like, why does it look like that? And you're noticing that people in there are filled with happiness and joy and love and a lot of pain. People are crying, people are hugging each other. Yet, they feel and look so enlightened. This store is where you find your healing. This store is your therapy. It is your mentors. It is your prayers. This is where you're shown the things that you are struggling with or that are holding you back.

The reason people are crying is because it's showing them the truth even about their own selves. Like I didn't realize that one of my beliefs that I've had for so long was that what I did or do can save another person. My effort in trying to navigate through betrayal, trauma, and addiction. I thought okay, okay, just tell me. Part of my bargaining with God was okay, I'll do anything. You just tell me exactly what it is. And I will do it. If you save this marriage. I'll do anything you asked me.

If you say this, he couldn't really offer me that all he could offer me was do these things because it's going to help you the It'll help you see truth and gain what you need to enhance your own self worth, and to be able to be empowered to do the hard things, you need to be healthy. He showed me where I was unhealthy and oh, that's painful. I like to think and feel like I'm on the right track and doing a good job.

Recently, I learned something in business, in this course, that I take that I've been doing something wrong, or my thought process, my belief system on a business idea that I've been doing for almost 30 years was wrong. Everything I've done in this particular area, did not actually do what I was wanting it to do. And what's so funny is that I had prided myself on knowing these things, and implementing them in all my businesses throughout the years, feeling and thinking like I was doing all of this, right. So nobody told me I was doing it wrong.

But what happened was, I learned something new. This business course, showed me something and told me something. And as it explained it, it hit me that what I had been doing or thinking or implementing wasn't giving me the result that I even wanted, yet, I was doing the same thing over and over. And over and over, we've heard that the definition of insanity is continually doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I was doing that I was doing that in my marriage before to trying to save another person from their choices and from their addiction. But what happened to me in that moment was interesting, and I had a choice to make. So I learned this new thing about business and this whole shift in my mind. And my first thought is, wow, then I went to shame. I was ashamed. I felt embarrassed. I felt like oh, my goodness, I've been doing this for so long.

My mind started going, how am I supposed to even change this because this is all I know. And all I've ever done. This is the only way that I think everything has to shift and change. And I have to now learn how to do it completely different when I have no idea or background on doing it this new way. So for that half of a day, I was very low. I was sitting on my moving sidewalk. I was hunched over grabbing my legs, I was sad, confused, and just feeling like why is there something else for me to learn. And then I woke up the next day.

And I said, You know what, this is where my learning came in from all the work I had done before. So this is kind of one of those things that show you the work you do ahead of time sometimes pays you out later, all of a sudden, I felt excited, like, Okay, how cool is this, that I didn't know this all these years, that I have not gotten the results I've wanted in this certain specific area. And now I've just been told, all it is is that I have to learn a new way of doing things. And now my heart, my soul, my mind everything is excited to learn. The key is letting go of the pride, the fear, the shame, and saying, Okay, this was a belief that I had.

And now I'm learning that it's not right, that I created that belief out of something doesn't matter what out of out of protection or out of feeling like it was the right thing to do something great, something good. And I went with it. And how cool is that I had courage to go forward and move and be brave. All of that was great. And now I'm introduced to something new, I had a choice to make, I could either wallow on my moving sidewalk, or I could accept it and say that this is actually not a bad thing. This is like life saving.

This is going to change my life and the way I view things. That is how it is in all the different areas of our life. In our personal development, the way we see ourselves, the way we parent our children, the way we have relationships at work or with our partners, the way we handle trauma and betrayal and infidelity, and fixing things, all of it is important for us to be able to see.

So when we pass that store on our moving sidewalk that is filled with light. It's inviting us to change what we've always thought was the right way that isn't working and inviting us to choose into learning something new, that will actually enhance our lives and make us excited. So as you look in that store, and people are excited, yet at the same time, they're crying, because they know that they have found something that is going to work for them.

And it's almost like that task that's given that is saving you when you're sitting there in that ball going I don't know how to do this. It's like the offering of here, do this. Sometimes when we're in this position of on the moving sidewalk in that standing up position and we're looking at all the stores. Sometimes we want to get off the moving sidewalk and go into the store of the thing that numbs we want that. We just do it. That's what we choose. And I'm telling you that even when we do that our sidewalk is still moving.

We still get to choose to get back on, the things that we have done in the past are still working for a good and you can see it because when you have been numbing too long, your insights tell you, your soul tells you Hey, you know what, we need to choose something different. It's the same one, we're sitting in the ball on the ground, we need to do something different. We have to change our scene, we have to think differently, we actually have to act when we're in the ball, or we're in the numbing store, we're not really acting, we're just kind of ignoring and we're just kind of waiting.

Now again, there's purpose in all of it, because there's a reprieve that we feel is necessary. But when we stay aware, like fully aware consciously of what we're choosing, then we can notice sooner than we can say, I've been in this store too long, it's time for me to go, I need to start acting so that I feel different, because being in the store that's numbing, didn't actually help me change my thinking, or my emotions, or my depression, or my pain, sadness, fear, stress, anxiety, any of it, it just distracted me for a minute.

So now I have to get back to the work. So we're back on our moving sidewalk, we decide we're gonna go into the store of light, we're nervous, because we don't know we're gonna find out. But we go anyway, because we are tired of numbing, we are tired of sitting on the floor, we are tired of doing the same scenario over and over, doing the same dance doing the same actions that aren't producing any results that we want, we still feel in chaos.

When I was married to my husband that struggled with addiction. I lived in chaos on a regular basis, because I was always trying to figure out how to change the situation, I would think I was learning something new to change it or to change him or to show him why we're so great. And he does not need to be leaving us or he does not need to be choosing addiction. Because he's giving up so much. all I was doing was learning how to say it all in a different way. Still the same outcome. Still, I wanted to make him change his mind. I wanted him to be able to see the way I see. And that never works. Nobody can make you see what they want you to see.

You have to decide what you want to see. We choose to go in the store of light, because we have noticed hope. We noticed that people are actually taking action. And it feels like maybe they know something that we don't know. So we're like intrigued and we're like, well, I want to feel that way. I want light like that. Maybe this will feel so good. Maybe we think it's just for a reprieve like the other stores like a numbing store. Maybe we go there just because we think it'll help us for a minute. And we don't choose to stay.

But if we choose to stay, we are going to be taken on an adventure that will be life changing. This is where your mind is blown with truth with change, with hope with healing. As you're in this store, there's a lot of fear because things show up kind of like the same thing with my business. When I learned that I've been doing something not quite right. There's a lot of fear and shame. Well, how am I gonna learn to do it different or wait a second, I thought this way for so long. Wow.

Like, it just feels so weird. It's the same with personal things when we learn a belief that we've had or how we've run our life or how we've raised our children. And we now are shown how that wasn't working or how that wasn't helpful. It's a hard realization to go, oh my goodness, I was doing things that didn't help the situation. The key here is to realize that the moving sidewalk has always been moving that you're here in this place. Right now you're choosing this store of light right now.

Because everything else you did was preparing you and getting you ready, so that you can now move to the next step to enhance your life and to change certain things and behaviors and patterns. All of it is here to help you. It's a gift. It's not a curse. It is not punishment, it's love. This door shows you how to love how to love your true self, how to be compassionate for the things that you didn't know, it shows you love in accepting other people's choices, and being able to let go of outcomes because you now see that everybody's trying to make their own choices. Everybody's on their own moving sidewalk.

Everybody has to learn at their own pace. Sometimes they get to learn it with you. And sometimes you have to learn on your own once we've been in that store, and we decided to stay a while  and we decided to take advantage of everything that was being offered and start to challenge all of our false beliefs. Remember, it's the choice we make in those moments. It's the choice that I made when I found out that business decision, and I heard something new. What am I going to do from here? The store of light is the same way.

What am I going to do from here for my own healing and my own growth. I was just shown that I cannot save my marriage. What? What are you talking about? Yes, I can, of course, I can save my marriage, I have to save my marriage, there is no other way. Well, maybe you were just shown how you want to save the marriage. However the other person doesn't want to, we have to learn to honor those truths and see what somebody else's truth is, may not be ours, but they're on their own moving sidewalk.

So how do we get from here to there, in our mind of changing what we thought was the only truth there was, this is the only way I've done things. This is what I have done for 21 years, how am I supposed to do it any different in that store, it shows you how some of us will stay in the store. And we will work through the depths and the pain and the struggle and the shame and the fears and the grief. And we will do it and get on the other side to this place of freedom and acceptance.

Some of us will stay there for a minute, be scared about what the truth is that we're seeing, not ready to accept what we're showing about ourselves, or our loved ones or our family members or, or our marriages, and we get back on the moving sidewalk. That's okay. Because guess what, as you're going down the moving sidewalk, you're going to pass those same type of stores, you pass the ones that are going to help you numb, you're going to pass the ones that are just going to give you what you want. And then you're going to see light again.

And maybe this time, you'll be ready for the next step. So you get off, you go in the store and you learn something new. And each little piece that you learn is adding so that when you hit that store of light down the road, when you're ready, it hits you, and all the little things that you've done, come together, and it pays off. And now you're like, Oh my gosh, okay.

And then you are no longer living every day counting down the hours counting down the minutes, the days, the month, the years, you have learned how to truly live, how to see things, how to go through the feelings and the pain, navigate through any shame or grief that comes up, do what you need to do to take care of yourself and move through it and keep learning. And there's happiness and joy, there's light, there's a feeling of freedom. As we're learning those things. Once we choose that, it's almost like you can be on the fast track.

You know, when you're at the airport, and you're going on that moving sidewalk and you have a plane to catch or somebody else does, you're just standing there like holding on to the railing and somebody is like zooming by you with their suitcase. And they are like they are so fast because they're gonna miss their plane. At times in my healing and recovery. I felt like that sometimes in a panicked way. Where's the next step? Where's the next thing I have to learn?

I gotta find the next door. And sometimes it was because I was so empowered and so excited. I wanted more and more and more and more. Oh, you tell me that book. Great. I've got it. I'm reading it. Oh, you tell me about that energy work? Fine. I'll try it. I don't know what it is, life changing. 12 step Oh, I can go to two meetings a week. Perfect done. Sometimes we are highly aggressive in what we're doing. Because it's making sense and it's working. So it's almost like we're doubling down.

Now the thing that I found when I was doubling down was, at least at part of the time, that last year of my marriage, I was doubling down on everything. Part of it was because I had that belief that if I did everything and more, my marriage would be saved. And God would see how much I've done and he would bless my life by keeping my marriage together. It makes sense the way we do what we do, we're not trying to be crazy. And we're not trying to be sad, and we're not trying to be obsessive, and we're not trying to be hyper vigilant, we are trying to navigate all that's going on in our thoughts in our heart, in our mind in our emotions.

And we're trying to make sense of them and do it in the best way we can. And we are doing it you are doing it doesn't matter if you're sitting down in a ball on the sidewalk, or if you're sprinting across it, except where you are, know that you're exactly where you're supposed to be right this second. And it's time for you to just notice it. Give yourself empathy. Oh, hey, I'm running like a crazy person on this moving sidewalk. How come? Why am I what is the reason? Okay, let me think it's just because I'm excited actually.

And I love what I'm learning and I don't care what the outcome is. Okay, great. I'm running on it because I feel like if I sit down, everything will end it'll be my fault. Okay, well, that's good to know. That's a good awareness. Do you see where I'm going with this? All of the places that you are at in this journey are right for you because it's going to show you something new. The key is to open our eyes, our heart and our mind to learning something new, something different than we've always done. Or always know what's so great about the moving sidewalk. Is it is slow and it is peaceful. Think about that sidewalk at the airport.

Everybody knows it right? It's intentional. It's just going it's not chaotic. It's not too slow. It's just at this nice easy pace, that if we would like help walking, or getting there just a little faster, but not too much effort, we can get on the moving sidewalk, this moving sidewalk in our lives helps us take pause, we don't have to think too much about it, we're just on it. It just goes all the way to the end of our life. It's this consistent movement forward, going, going, going. That's taking us places, introducing us to ideas and thoughts and actions.

None of it's ever just going to be over. That was something that I had to learn all of this learning and growth is not just going to be over. But it can be cool, and it can be enjoyable, and I don't have to see it. As I'm always having something to work on. I'm always being shown my faults, this is the worst because I can never get any freedom or reprieve. When you look at it as it's this calm, intentional movement. It's God it's the universe's way of propelling forward to showing you ideas and action to inviting you to do something different if you want to. And if you're ready, if you don't, it keeps going. And it loops around, and it comes back and it gives you the opportunities again, and maybe this time, you'll go Oh, that's actually where I want to go. This time, I want to learn that this time.

You can take breaks, you can sit down, you can walk fast, you can do it however you need to, you will find the most peace, if you yourself are noticing, and having awareness of what's going on in your own mind. And heart. If you can let go of the damage beating yourself up. And the I'm the worst dialog and just go Okay, and take everything just for what it is. Okay, I'm sitting right now. Wow, okay, well, maybe I was feeling fearful about some of that stuff. Maybe I just wasn't ready. How long do I think I need to sit here and be in this ball?

Okay, well I kind of maybe want an hour to be this way until I get out of it? Okay, well, great. When we have that awareness, we let go of outcomes, and we let go that there's this right or wrong way to do it. We are either right or we're wrong. No, we're just moving on our sidewalk. We're just enjoying the journey. We have pain and sadness in the journey. we're noticing it, we're taking care of it. And we are looking at what's ahead or what's coming up, that we could choose into saving ourselves from this feeling. If we want. For me, learning the new things I learned, I would never want to not know them again.

It was miserable feeling, day in and day out, Like I had no control of what was happening in my life. learning those key things and letting go, letting God do his work. Letting the tool show up for me and me deciding if I wanted to take them gave me my own power. I might be powerless in changing another person. But I can choose to change me. I can choose to learn what it'll take in me what I'm lacking in me to be stronger and be able to make hard decisions in my life. You're moving sidewalk is moving, you're doing it. Give yourself a pat on the back a hug.

Write it out in a journal of how great you're doing and figure out where it is you're at on your moving sidewalk. And then offer yourself grace journal out while you're in that exact spot so you know what your intentions are and where it's coming from. And then look around and see what it is that's coming up in the future that's coming up in front of your view right now in the present, that can offer you a new action you can take to enhance your life and broaden your perspective.

This really is cool work so painful at times like unbelievably crazy painful. Think I'm gonna die. I hate this so much. I cannot believe this is my life. And right alongside that is, oh my gosh, I cannot believe this is my life. All this light and goodness and knowledge and perspective and cool things that I never knew existed. Letting go of other people's reactions, letting go of whether they like me or not letting go of, of what my children do or don't do.

How freeing to be able to just come from a place of love in your own self love for other people love for their decisions and only take care of yours and manage yours. I'm with you. You can do this. Figure out what you need to do to add into your life that will help you on your moving sidewalk. I'm here if you need and I'll see you next time.

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