Choose In Podcast with Roxanne Kennedy Granata
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February 14, 2021

Episode 47: Taking Back Trauma Holidays and Turning Them into Love

I took back Valentines Day. Trauma will no longer own me or any other date that brings up past trauma experiences. I teach you a technique to raise your vibration to shift your heart and mind and change the way you view the outcomes of the future.


Right now actually the day that this launches that it comes out is Valentine's Day. Wow. Right Valentine's Day is one of those things that is good, bad, indifferent. There's trauma there, there's happiness there it comes and goes depending on your circumstance. So I wanted to drop this episode early a day early because any of you who are spending today or this weekend feeling lonely, discouraged, threatened in trauma, happy because you feel good in your own skin, or in your own career, or what you're doing in your own healing, or you have a new partner that reminds you that love is good.

I wanted to drop that today. It's complicated, isn't it? Back in 2012. The day after Valentine's Day was the day that I had my first major D day discovery day of way too many things after we had just celebrated Valentine's Day. And if you've read my book, or heard one of the beginning episodes of this podcast, you heard a little bit of this story. That day for Valentine's, I was super excited to figure out a plan and a gift. And I mean, what do you get sometimes? what do you get for these guys?

I don't know. So I thought you know what, I'm just gonna go around and find all of his favorite snacks, and make this really cute big basket that he can have at work. And he can just eat it whenever he wants. And every time he looks at it, it'll remind him of me. I have this black basket and I tied it with this red tool bow and I found this big silver hanging heart. And I tied that to the front of it. And then I just filled it with all these things. I was super excited about it.

I decided to go over to the office early that day. His office was just a couple minutes from our house. And I decided to go and drop it off. So that when he got into work that day would be there. That's what I did. All of that went well. We had our Valentine's Day that night. We you know, did dinner, we had a romantic evening intimacy, all of that everything was great. And I wake up the next day, and I didn't know it yet. But from that point on my life was gonna change.

I knew the minute I went to his office, you guys know this story? Do you remember it? I was with one of my daughters. And we stopped by his office on the way home from somewhere. And she ran ahead of me to run into his office and I just had this panic feeling which you know, is normal for me. I always did. I always felt stressed that any moment I could find something or find him doing something do you know as I look back and think about it, I can even feel myself wanting to stop by there on a regular basis, almost tiptoeing down the hallway to catch him in the act, because I knew something was wrong, but I couldn't figure it out.

Do you know that feeling when you're almost trying to find it? I've got to find this because I know something is there. I just don't know what it is. Well, on this particular day, February 15 2012. I found it there he was in his office, the door was locked. I knew I knew immediately and he came to the door. He opened it up his eyes are like why he's looking at me and he immediately starts backpedaling and trying to make excuses. And I said, No, no, not this time.

It's not gonna happen. I'm not gonna listen to you. things came out, obviously, you know, a lot of the journey, we started into 12 step programs. At that point, I found my support team, I found that I needed to heal me and love myself enough to choose me. And then we went into all the other things which eventually ended up in divorce just because of the situation of what he chose to do versus what felt okay for me. So in that, why do I bring that up right at the beginning? It's Valentine's Day.

You may be listening to this on Valentine's Day, I guess to tell you that, yes, Valentine's Day had some triggering and traumatic times for me. It's surrounding a D day. Right the lies that that he could spend that time with me and act as though it's he and I and we're so committed yet to find all that stuff the next day is crazy. And it could have created a thing for me that every year, I would remember it every year, I'd almost have to pay it tribute or something or be mad at someone or be mad at the world or feel it inside. And there were times that I did.

But I really didn't want that experience or him to hijack an entire holiday that is celebrated every single year. Of course, there were then the years after that, where I spent that time by myself, or with girlfriends going places or going out to dinner. And of course, there were lonely moments, I'm not gonna lie and tell you that it was all good and that I just did self care. I didn't, I stayed home and watched hallmark movies I wished for and longed for the love of my life, to come and sweep me off my feet, I wanted someone to care about me enough that they would want to be with me.

And as you know, I am now married. And I have spent a couple of Valentine's Days with my new spouse. And so things are different. It feels good, it feels better. It feels nice to have somebody, it feels good to not be treated badly. And to not find any sort of evidence of why there's infidelity. I know there's also some of you who do have a new relationship or have been in one for quite a while since your last one where there was infidelity, or any sort of lying or manipulation, deceit, narcissism controlling any of those abusive things.

And you are still not doing that well. Whether it's because of past trauma, or there's other traumas now with this current relationship. So what I'm going to talk about is changing the feeling in your heart. I've been learning lately all about thinking and feeling and how it's so important to feel things in our heart rather than just think them in our brain. Because thinking them in our brain, it has a tendency sometimes to hijack our thoughts, hijack our memories hijack the past hijacks the possible future hijacks, and we spend so much time swirling in these things that are not actually happening today.

And then it takes over an entire day or weekend, or whatever it is too much of our time, our mental space, and we become either low or sad or depressed or angry, resentful, all of those things. And we don't want to do that we want to own our heart, we want to feel good, we want to feel free. So with Valentine's Day, I want to teach you something that I learned not that long ago. And I actually was just teaching it to a client just a couple of days ago, many of my clients have gone through divorce, they're they're searching for their new partner, because they really do want one.

And we have this mindset sometimes that it's never going to happen, or that we're never going to find the right person or there's no possible way because we look around and there's nobody there that we would want. And all of that's true. But there is something about feeding into that sad, down hopeless energy, that doesn't create possibility and also hijacks your time. It makes you feel in the resentful state of how come this is happening? Why can't I find this? Why am I not okay, why am I not happy? Why is my past partner happy?

Why does he get this stuff or she'd get this stuff, and I don't. So I want to switch your thinking, and I want you to try this, I want you to try this practice of where we're going to not think with our brain, we're going to feel with our heart. So what I want you to do, and I'll probably do an actual video on this at some point and post it so you can actually see me being ridiculously happy and crazy. But what I want you to do is I want you to take your two hands and put them over your heart and push on it like oh my gosh, like that. And as you're doing that, I want you to feel inside what it would feel like if all your dreams came true.

If you did feel okay, if you were enough, if you did feel loved on Valentine's Day, if you did find the partner that you're seeking for if that person was right in front of your face, or did show up in a time that felt realistic for you. And then I want you to instead of saying in your head that's never gonna happen. There is no way I can even see the end of this tunnel and why do I have to go through that? Can you feel that energy how down it is I want you to push on your heart and be like, Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, this feels so amazing. This feels so good.

I have the love that I want. I have the love of my life. I'm feeling it I feel cared for. And it's absolutely incredible. I am so happy and grateful that this is in my life now. It is incredible. And my heart is full and my whole insights feels so good. Are you guys laughing at me right now, okay, I'm not kidding, I've been doing this. And it has made such a difference in so many aspects of my life, it changes everything, my entire energy level, my entire body, my mind shifts into this place of possibility and hopefulness.

It changes everything, and it makes you feel like you can do anything and be anything. This is not about that voice that tells you Yeah, but what if it doesn't happen, you are gonna silence that that's your mind, you're gonna keep this in your heart, you're gonna figure this out in your heart, and you're gonna feel it and you're gonna feel the value and the worth and the happiness and the joy and the contentment and all is right in the world feeling. And by doing that, your eyes are open more possibilities are different people come into your life that even possibly might bring somebody with them, they might introduce you to somebody you don't know.

And all of a sudden that that hopelessness of never, there's nobody changes to you know what there is because I just felt it in my heart. Maybe you're not looking for a person, but you want to feel okay, in your heart, you can do the same thing. I am so happy and grateful now that I feel content, that I'm not carrying any resentment anymore. This is unbelievable. This feeling I can't even believe I am so so grateful. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

And you think God, you think the universe you spank your higher self, whatever it is that you need to think you think it and you tell them how awesome this feels. And you change you and you change your heart and you change the entire vibration of your day. And now those thoughts are no longer hijacking it, and it didn't take you down. It actually is such a benefit to live in this type of mindset, where there is hope and possibility.

When we practice this type of gratitude type feeling things change, because gratitude is something that raises your positive energy, it makes you feel better and increases that abundant feeling. And anybody who's into energy work or any grounding techniques at all they know about vibration, and it increases your vibration and opens you up. This way you can receive things if you don't have gratitude, you can't receive because you're closed you you've blocked yourself, you've walled yourself in that it's never going to happen when we say never.

We're not allowing any possible change or, or something added to our life. It's so important, the way we can get to doing this is by some sort of meditation, whether it's like what I said, where it's meditating in this positive state where you're holding your heart and you're you're sharing everything that you want to happen to yourself as if it already did. That's what feeling is, I'm going to say this as if it already happened.

I'm going to say you want a new job, you want family relationships to be better, you want to manifest the love of your life, you want to be happy in your own skin, with your own body, whatever it is, when you start with that feeling, and you're holding your heart and you're feeling it as if it's already there, something shifts. So even though it's not a calm meditation, it is a shift change, which meditation does that. So if you want to raise your vibration like that, in your heart, in your mind, in your soul to where there's this positive thing coming off of you, then meditate, so you've got gratitude, you're going to be so grateful.

I'm so happy and grateful that this happened that I no longer am hindered by this thing. Look at how great this is. I am so grateful. You're going to meditate, you're going to meditate and connect with your higher self, with God with nature with source with anything that you feel that you meditate or connect to, you're going to do this and practice eliminating all of those negative voices, all of those fears, anxieties, worries, the feelings that you are having when you are in your head saying this is never going to be and this is unfair.

You're going to meditate through those things. Another way that you can raise that peace of energy in yourself, your your vibration, everything you are putting out is by connecting, connecting to other people connecting to nature. The thing about our world universally is that there's energy in it you can feel the buzzing of it if you feel the ground if you take your shoes often put your feet on the ground, you'll feel a vibration. When we connect like that with outside, it helps us feel grounded ourselves, which raises our feelings makes us feel more positive.

So go on a walk, go sit outside, take in nature, reach out to other people, something like that. One of the other things we can do to raise this in ourselves, is our self care and the way we do this, because when we take care of ourselves, we naturally are saying, Hey, we are worth it. And we're valuable. We deserve these things, whether it's something that we go do for ourselves, whether it is the food that we are eating, whether it is doing some sort of exercise, or meditation, or mindfulness practice, whether it's doing this grateful practice,

I'm telling you about hold your heart and say, I'm so grateful, I cannot believe this happen, this is already coming true. When we do that we are adding good feelings and positive things to ourselves, which makes us happy, which is self care. All of these things can help us in our feelings of getting through traumatic times, getting through D days, any of those past dates that are harmful. We don't have to continue living in them every year, date after date after date that they come up.

We don't have to spend the time the week before and the week after that hijacks weeks of our life. Now we do have to feel it. And sometimes when things come up, we are being shown that there's still healing to do. I recently heard a phrase, you must feel it to heal it. And then what's coming is leaving, that was so cool for me to hear. I already know you must feel it to heal it like you have to you cannot heal anything that you're unwilling to look at. If you keep pushing it down, it's going to come up for you at some point.

But when we turn it and look at it and say wow, what's coming up is actually going to leave, then maybe we would feel better about sitting with it and working through it and talking about it out loud or to ourselves or, or a counselor. If it's coming up, then it's wanting to leave. So when we're talking about feeling it The thing is, is when we don't when we resist feeling it What does that feeling do let's if you're having something like an anxiety attack, or a panic attack, or something traumatic is coming up, when you resist it, what happens for me, it gets stronger and stronger.

If I'm trying to squeeze it to death and trying to make it stop and make it stop. It gets worse. If I relax and feel it and let it do what it needs to do. Then it subsides quicker. So I had heard at the same time as I heard this phrase, I had heard this concept. So you know, when you're boiling something on the stove, it's gonna boil and boil and boil right, if we keep the lid on it all the way tight, it's going to keep coming up, up, up up until it blows the lid off of the pot because it cannot help it, it erupts. There's no way around it, it builds and builds and builds, which is like the things that we go through.

The only way to alleviate some of that is to take off the lid, allow the lid to open up just a little bit, allowing yourself to feel anxious versus saying no, no, no, I'm not gonna feel anxious, I don't want to feel this, I don't want to have a panic attack, I don't want to do that. It's just bubbling up inside of you until it erupts and the lids gonna fly off and you're gonna be down on that spin cycle of death. We hate that thing. It takes us down way too long, way too much and it is emotionally draining.

So instead, when we feel that we're going to say you know what, I'm going to feel this anxiety, it's okay, if I feel anxious, there's nothing wrong with that I'm allowed to, I can totally feel anxious if I want. That's like taking the lid off, giving yourself permission to feel all of those things. So as you're working through this, and you're trying to say these gratitude things and you're trying to hold your heart and say, this is so amazing. Things are going to come up for you your body's gonna say Hold on, wait a second, I don't think so. I don't want to believe this.

Your body may resist this truth. But as you keep practicing it anyway over and over and over all of a sudden you feel it. That's how my experience was at first when I was doing I'm like this is awkward. I feel weird. The voice in my head is still louder that says I don't think so this is not going to happen. This isn't working. I'm telling you it 100% works if you do it, you just keep doing it and you start feeling it and life changes. It's like things open up for you that you had no idea were even going to or there and then you see it work and you feel it work.

And then the energy is even bigger. So as you're doing this and you're loving yourself enough to know that you are deserving of all that is good. All the things that you want in your life you are deserving of. You want to take back Valentine's day, you can, you want to heal your relationships with people, you can, You want to have a different job, or a better job, or more money or more happiness, or a house or whatever it is, if you keep yourself in that low place of this is never gonna happen, there's no possible way, then you are closing yourself off, to grow, to change to possibility.

And it's not necessary, you don't even have to. Those are very limiting beliefs, their lack beliefs, their scarcity beliefs, and we are no longer that person. Everything that we've been through has shown us that we can navigate through a lot. Here we are doing it. So we are so strong, we have so much going for us we can be anything and do anything. We just have to practice training our mind to not sabotage our mind wants to say no, that's not possible out of protection.

Well, we want to change that we want to tell our heart and mind that we are no longer going to think our way out of these things. We're going to feel our way into them. Did you hear that phrase that I just said, We are no longer going to think our way out of things, we are going to feel our way into them. Doesn't that just change everything that you think? Doesn't that just make you okay? Okay, I like that. I want that I want to feel different. I want to feel better.

I don't want my life hijacked from me. I don't want it taken from me. I don't want things of the past to own me in some way. I wanted Valentine's back. I did not like that. I know a lot of us hate Valentine's Day. But we can love it for whatever reason we decide to love it, we can change it into it's a day for us we can change it into this is the day that I always get a pedicure. This is the day that I always go and buy myself something wonderful that I like. It can be anything, it can be a day that we sit on our couch and binge watch Netflix, it can be anything we choose, that turns this day into something that we desire. It doesn't have to own us anymore.

I don't want it to for you. I want you to feel good and feel loved. For those of you who have a new partner, who are feeling a lot of love, I want you to know that it is hopeful for the rest that haven't found that yet, but want it. Those who are desiring to have a partner and just don't have it. When you do and they find out that you do and you didn't before it gives them hope. So share your love, show it. Don't keep it quiet. tell people how grateful you are, oh my goodness, I have the love of my life.

I just did this for Valentine's Day, yes, their heart might hurt because they're not doing the same thing. But as you are grateful for and you show it, you're showing them that they can have hope. If they choose to let that hurt their heart so much that it takes them down, then they're in that cycle of having that boiling pot. They're living in the mind set that says this is never going to happen to me and how come it happens for everyone else. All of us have been there at some point. We all know what it feels like. We don't want to keep being there.

We want to change the cycle, we want to be different. Do you want to be different? Do you want to feel better? Okay, so even if you have been that person that feels bad, and looks around, and everybody else has what you don't, that's okay, because today is a new day for you. Today, you're going to grab onto your heart and you're going to feel what it is you want, as if it already happened. And you're going to start feeling that goodness, it actually feels way better. Even if you don't have it, then when you're in that place of I'm never going to. So even if you're doing it at first just to raise your own level of happiness and joy and energy.

It's perfect. This is going to change though in so many areas of your life. When you start using this heart thing. You can do it. I recently made myself an affirmation card about this. In regards to releasing some extra pounds that I put on over this whole COVID year, I actually wrote a card that says I am so happy and grateful now that I've released this extra weight that was not serving me and I feel amazing. I am so grateful that I'm no longer emotionally eating. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It is so unbelievable. It is so awesome. I can't stand it.

I have not lost that yet. But I just started doing that. And it's changed everything for me. It feels so different. And instead of having some some dread over the next how long it's gonna take me to reach my goals. It doesn't even matter. It's like I don't even care about that. It's shifting what that was doing to me. It's taken away. That resentment I had for myself or for the situation and it's letting that go and letting me take back my own self letting me take back the feelings of letting me feel okay about what this year has been for me, it's okay.

And by doing that, it changed everything because it took me out of my head and into my heart. And there's so much more happiness and joy and love in my heart when I do that, than when I focus on the unfair, resentful, bitter, negative, sad, this is never going to get better feeling. And then other good things show up in my life. When I do that, I want you to know that I love you guys so much. You guys are so great. I love your comments and questions.

I love meeting with you guys each week, talking about the things that you're going through, whether it's kids, your spouse, divorce, dating, trauma, whatever it is that you talk to me about, I love every single one of you. I want to work with all of you who are ready to take that heart to the next level, to say no more to what's holding you back. I'm here. I've been talking about the retreat the last few weeks, there is like seven and a half weeks until retreat. I'm so so excited. I have seven spots left. I will take registrations up until March 12 or until it's full.

So if you've been having that feeling like I think I'm supposed to be there and you're just nervous or you haven't taken the plunge yet. I know it's scary. But you will not be alone. Everybody's coming with their own story, their own desires for this their own wishes for change or thriving or healing. You may not know everybody when you first get there, but you will by the end. I will be there the entire time. It's going to be an amazing event. If you have any questions, please go to the website.

Schedule a 20 minute free call with me and we can talk about your questions. The websites Roxanne And if you are loving this, let me tell you something, we have 750 people that download the episodes each week. And I don't know what the reviews are at right now. Maybe 65 or something like that. But do you know that when you review it, it helps other people just like you find it. Every time those ratings come in, it reaches more people, people need to find this resource so that they know they're not alone.

So if it has done something for you, and you have felt like okay, I need this, I need this community of people that are in the same thing and that, that I'm sharing things that resonate with you please go give it a rating so that they can find it. If you're having a hard day today. If you're listening to this on Sunday or Valentine's Day, just know that you are loved, that you are loved by so many different people around you or the universe or God or however you want to look at it that way.

I think about you guys every week when I record. I think about you guys during the week when I'm thinking okay, what do these people need? So you are thought of on a regular basis. I love you and thanks for listening. I'll see you next time.

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