Episode 53: Breaking Down Walls from the Other Side

We come up against a wall; sometimes one of our own and other times someone else’s. In this episode I’m talking about a new way to look at these walls and what to do about them. How do we tackle breaking them down? We will be looking at them from a new angle.

Episode Transcription:

(This transcript was created using software. Please be advised that it won't be 100% accurate, and it may contain formatting errors.)

We are on our second episode in our living life on purpose phase. And today, we're going to be talking about the walls that we have built, but looking at them from a different angle. Ever since we were a child, we've developed these different types of walls or beliefs or protections, so that we can make it through so that we can navigate what our life is about what's going on the situations, the experiences. And the other day, I was talking to somebody.

And she was telling me how she was pondering about somebody in her life that she was trying to reach trying to get through to. And she had this visual of, of these, these super, like, armor type walls that this person had. And she's explaining to me like, it was like they were sounds sure if you can even hear that. I know I'm making those sounds right right here in my office. But, but they were like these, like these? Would you even explain them like these armored that then we're also buckled shet like with these locks.

So it's that's why I was making that sound, which I'm sure I'm sure you guys didn't totally love that. But we did it anyway. So as she was doing this, she thought, oh my goodness, she got super overwhelmed. And she was like, how am I ever supposed to get through these walls? It feels like it's impossible. How do you break down another person's walls. And she was sitting there processing. And she's praying about this and going, How is this even possible?

Like, I don't think I can do this, like this is so overwhelming she was she was super stressed and defeated and feeling like there felt like there was no hope for this person in her life and, and how she could be a benefit to them. As she was on her knees and pleading with God and praying. She saw it in a completely new light, a new way a new angle. And she shared it with me. And I was so glad because it makes so much sense. And sometimes we make things so hard on ourselves. And we think the impossible, and there's just no way. And then we're given new insight.

And each of those aha moments can be life changing, if we allow them to be. So this is what she said. She said, all of a sudden, I'm seeing this person in my mind, and all of these walls. And I feel from the spirit from God, from her intuition that I need to look at this from the inside out, not all the walls, and how am I going to break these down and where's my tools, so I can like hammer these things apart and smashed into them one by one, but rather, look inside at the heart.

So we're going to be talking about that we're going to be talking about going to our hearts source, whether this is about you and your walls, or whether it's about someone in your life, whether it's a spouse, or a child, or a friend, anybody else where you feel like I'm trying to break through these walls and it's not working. I don't I don't even know what to do to get there. So what she saw in her mind was this image, this view, that God that that Christ puts his light right into our heart. And so she saw that she saw this light well up in this person's heart.

And it just started illuminating and expanding and as it was expanding, it was breaking down each and every single wall from the inside out. So our way of doing things can shift it can be like I've always worked from the outside in I have always started to tear down different walls or looking at a relationship or something and thinking okay, well there's a wall Okay, I need to work through that wall. I need to work through this wall. That's just so normal, right? That's just the way we've done things. So to see it this way, can you guys feel the difference?

When she told me I could totally feel it I was like, that is so profound, that shifts so much of my thinking in lots of different areas. Because if I truly look at it that way if I really want to do this in God's way, either helping people or loving people or or supporting them if their family members or whatever I want to do it the way he does it, the way he sees it. And so to see a loved one or somebody that their heart already has the light in it, which also means the answers are within, right. So we need to help them, we can help them or help ourselves, use that light that's within and try to break through those walls from the inside one at a time.

They don't have to be too many. So when she was sharing that with me about seeing the light, and seeing it illuminate and expand and like get bigger and brighter, kind of going through this person's body, and just lighting out like these rays of sunbeams, just like pouring out. And as she washes, watch these walls just melt away. She was like, Okay, okay, I am not doing this on my own, I don't even have to do it on my own. It's not even my job to do it on my own. Because we can't, it just gets overwhelming. We feel totally burdened, we feel anxiety, and we feel like there's no hope.

So when we can turn and look at it, and do this through Christ's way, with the light from within, and knowing he's with us helping us, we'll make it. It will also give us that reprieve that we need, so that we don't think that we're doing it all on our own. This is kind of a version of living your life on purpose, because you are becoming so aware of these finite things, these little tiny things that can make all the difference. Just that shift of being intentional about looking at someone's heart and looking the other direction, what is the first wall in front of their heart?

What is it that can give you so much insight, or if you look at yourself, okay, I'm going to imagine myself that this, that God has put this light in my heart that it's going to well up inside of me, I have this light, and it's going to start growing and growing and growing. What is the first wall that it reaches? Now God can tear down those walls for you, but we don't always let him. We don't let him release those because we've put them there for a reason. They're our protection, we, we created them because we needed them. So with time, we have to intentionally walk ourselves through this.

So as we intentionally close our eyes and imagine that light and let it fill up. So so you can even do that. I mean, imagine light in my heart, there's this little tiny piece of light, I'm gonna watch it grow, it's gonna keep growing, it's gonna expand, expanding through my chest and up to my neck and down, down all the way through my body and out just lots of light out. So much light out. What is the first wall that it hits? Where do you start saying, Okay, wait, that's enough.

That's enough light. That's that is uncomfortable. Now, that's your first wall. That's the first one. And we have to figure out what it is with the talk to it talk to hey, I see you. Why are you there? When did I put you there? integrated family systems is parts work that I've talked about before, you can kind of just do this you can you can call your therapist, you can schedule an appointment with me. We can walk through these things with you, I can ask you the questions.

You don't have to do it on your own. But if you're sitting there and you want to try to navigate or if you feel a wall come up or you notice that you can ask yourself some of these questions you can say to to this wall? Why do I feel anxious? What is going on? When did I create this wall? Why do I have it and then you can start doing the work like we've talked about that loving work that stuff that says stuff like thank you so much for protecting me from then from back then thank you for always striving to keep me safe. I want you to know that we are safe now.

We're actually getting our healing work done. We have people on our side that are going to help us and so we don't need to be totally strung strong and bolted in and and no letting know when enter. I want you to start helping me open up and let go and then ask it. Will you help me will you help me let go of this wall that we've created because we're safe now. So that may sound crazy. But as you meet with a therapist or meet with somebody that can walk you through integrated family systems, parts work or any other modality that walks you through these kinds of trauma or these pieces in you that you've created.

You will see so much of a difference because you'll notice it you'll go wow, I really did create that wall for a reason. When you find out the reason when you see the first wall when you when you recognize that you've created this part of you It is emotional. So just know every time you reach a point where an old belief is going to kind of be moved or even eradicated or softened, your body is going to go into a little bit of an uncomfortable emotional state.

This means you're doing the work. So hold tight to it, just breathe through it, remind yourself, okay, if we're uncomfortable right now, it's okay, because we're working through something so that we can be free after the fact, we don't want to do our journey and continually run into walls, bumping into our own limitations, our own weaknesses or own things that we've built, when they no longer are going to serve us, because it prevents us from moving forward.

And progress is living our life fully. And that's living on purpose, we want to progress. Change is something that's always constant, we cannot prevent change, change will happen, it is going to happen, it always happens. So the way we change is up to us, we get to change for the better, or we get to change and have it hinder ourselves even more, which usually causes more pain, more anxiety, more depression, more, all sorts of things. If you've been told throughout your life, that change is not good. Or in a relationship, if you've been in a relationship where they say you're different, you're changing. And your change for you is good.

And it's not a negative thing. It's not that you're falling into addiction, it's not that you're you're changing, and you're becoming a mean and vindictive, resentful, narcissistic person. But your changes actually you're progressing. You want to learn new things, whether it's a skill and a talent or a hobby, or whether it's your healing work and your your beliefs are different. Your boundaries are being set in place, whatever it is, but that it's a positive thing for you personally. That's good. So sometimes when we've had that belief, or people have told us for a long time, you're not the same anymore, and they're mad about it.

And they want you to go back to the way you were. And you're thinking no way would I want to go back to the way I was, I love who I am, I love who I'm becoming, I love learning these these new things that's healthy, it's going to be uncomfortable if you're in relationships where a person doesn't want you to change, but you can just know for yourself. change is happening all around you anyway. So you are going to go with change and keep going and moving forward and learning or you're going to be left behind or you're going to be spiraling downward, because you choose not to change or your change is based in resentment and bitterness.

And so you spiral down, changing the thought process in your brain about the word change. If change is a stressful word to you, if change is a negative word to you, you are probably going to have to change your opinion about it, you're going to have to stop yourself. And every time you say that word change, you're gonna have to remind your body and your mind that the change we're doing right now is good. Until you can grasp it until you make the new pathways in your brain that that change is exciting and positive and, and this full of life.

It's going to be difficult, but that's okay. Just know that that might be in your way if you've experienced that. So as you're going through change, remember that you can do things on your own. And at the same time, having someone help you that understands things will help your process. So I used to think early on in my healing journey, I would have these thoughts and feelings and all this stuff come to me and I would think, okay, I'm just gonna mull this over, and eventually I'm going to figure it out.

And I'm just gonna keep holding on in my mind and, and, and at some point the how the what the when, of the situation of my experience will come to me and I'll know I'll know what to do. I'll know how to act, I'll know the steps to take. And I'm trying to find that in my own brain. I'm trying to like come up with the answers from my brain that doesn't necessarily have the answers but I'm gonna try to so it's like this long, drawn out process day after day. I'm trying to figure these things out. It became very wearing on me and and so frustrating and overwhelming.

So early in my healing as I would do that. And I started I had a therapist and I was working on on different things. I would suddenly realize, wait a second, what am I doing? I'm trying to navigate this by myself. I'm actually wasting time because I would sit in therapy going Hey, what do I need to do? How fast can I fix this? I want to fix this now. This is taking too long. I can't even I can't even tell you how many times I sat in therapy and thought, this needs to be done now because here I am. I'm doing the work. I'm in your office every single week.

I'm doing my workbooks, doing all the things. I'm saying my prayers, it should be fixed by now. Right? I'm sure you guys feel that way. Can it just be fixed by now? Can't this already be okay? Can't I already feel better. And I wish it was fast like that, I wish it would just speed through because we made the decision to move forward or to change or do something different or learn something that it would just be over. But it's still a process. And there's no way to get out of that. However, when we realize that there's a faster process, if we let someone guide us through it, then we're helped in the journey. And it doesn't take as long.

Because when we reach out and have somebody guide us through it, we get validation, we're given realizations, we have aha moments were given so much clarity, working with somebody is that it saves your time because it keeps you on task. It keeps you on task moving through the process of what you're dealing with. And you have somebody that's giving you insight that you didn't even know existed. I remember hearing things sometimes from Ryan and I'd be like, what it was like it was pierced my soul and pound me in the chest like, That is so true for me.

And I didn't even know that existed. I didn't even know that concept. It's like I had never heard it that way before. Those moments are life changing. And they saved me because I could take that and go, I understand this now there is hope I am going to be okay. Because I was just like all of you wanting things to be fixed fast. So it was a huge win for me, when I started to work with a therapist, have an energy port person, go to my groups 12 step or, or my therapy groups or anything so that I could gain this new wisdom. So when you're working with someone like me, I can't actually tell you that it's going to be a speedy process. I wish it was right.

I can't say it's going to be this fast now because you chose that. But I can tell you that when you do do that it keeps you on task. When you choose to work with somebody, it's so helpful. It's like you have a partner. I don't want to do this by myself, I would never have known how those first little while that first year when I had never been met with a therapist before. I felt like my whole life was in a fog. Just spinning and spinning and spinning like I could faint at any moment.

Like I didn't even know where I was going. When I was driving, I would just get from one place to the next very dissociated. Very scary, I just could not even feel my feet on the ground. So when I first started working with a therapist, my first one, all of a sudden, I felt like somebody gets it somebody sees me somebody knows how reassuring that was, I felt like finally finally I had somebody, I had a way to do this. Now it still took me years. But I wasn't doing it by myself. And so I wasn't spinning in my own circles trying to come up with answers that I didn't even know.

So it's pretty cool to do that. So if you have a therapist, and you've been noticing that you aren't reaching out to them, because you just are trying to mull it over in your head, just give that some thought and think about that and think, Okay, can I figure this out on my own or, or I can maybe, but maybe it's going to take me a couple weeks. And I don't want to do that I want to just start mulling something over and go, Oh, I'm going to talk to my therapist about this.

I'm going to talk to my coach about this. And then you're free so quick. When I'm starting to mull things over my mind and realizing that I'm stuck on them a little bit. That's when I reach out to my energy person and I schedule an appointment. And we I scheduled because I'm trying to do the work, but I want it to go faster. And I know talking it through with somebody will make it go faster, because I'll see some realizations, I'll have clarity, all I'll have some grounding, and I'll be I'll go Okay, that makes sense. And then I feel better.

I feel better every single time. The reason we want to work through our stuff is so that we don't keep developing these walls that are bolted together. I can't even think of the word right now. I feel like these big buckles that are getting like like seatbelts but in the front of you right that just keep on clamping together one after the next. And I don't want any more of those that makes me feel claustrophobic. When I think about that in my mind. I think this is this feels crazy. I don't want to feel crazy. I want to feel free and I want to have no walls right?

I don't know if that's ever possible. I have no idea we probably create them over and over in our life but the more aware we become, we will notice Okay, I think I just put up a wall right there and we will be able to easily walk through it, see why heal that feeling, see it for what it is and move forward. Moving forward, like that feels so good, those kinds of changes feel so good. So if we take it back and we think about back into our heart into the center of our body into the middle of our chest, and we think, okay, I'm burdened, I want to start with that light.

Again, I want to start with that light, from Christ that goes in our chest that starts illuminating outward, start with that piece, even if you don't know your first wall, or, or your first pain or your first limitation, start there, so that it can ground you with, you're not alone, that you're okay. And that you can do this, that you are not responsible solely on your own to remove the wall. Like the person I was talking to, she was imagining how am I going to break down these walls of this other person?

And she seriously was imagining, okay, what kind of what do I actually need to break through these I see, there's so many, I'm going to have to take one at a time and just go for it. That's super overwhelming. And I felt that way with my own self. When I had so many things to learn. I was like, Hey, I don't know how to do boundaries. And I don't know how to let go and surrender. And I don't know how to let somebody choose for themselves when it's going to affect my life.

And I don't know how to save my children, right, there was so many things that would have been on my list of so called to do list of how to save the situation, or make it all worked out. None of it worked out the way I thought. But that doesn't mean that it didn't work out in the best way possible. And that I didn't grow stronger in the process. I absolutely did. super grateful to learn all those things and the skills, because it works in so many other aspects of my life, boundaries and surrendering work for everything. There's so many opportunities to use boundaries and surrendering, and all the other tools that come from choosing our healing work.

Everybody needs healing work, everybody has had a childhood, everybody has learned things that are not healthy that are harmful to them. So many of us have been through trauma in some form. We have been betrayed in some form. Betrayal doesn't mean just infidelity. Betrayal can be lots of things. It can be someone laughs at you that you thought you could trust. And they made fun of you in a situation where other people were around, that's a betrayal. And now you feel all those feelings. So there's so much that all of us need help with.

So look at it from the inside out, look around you and see who could be on your team to help you so that it doesn't just spin and spin and spin in your own head, making up new stories, creating new walls, we don't want that we want to move forward, we want to progress. We want to be happy, we want to be free. We want to let the walls down, we want to breathe easy. Doesn't that sound so good. Just breathe easy. Just breathe in and breathe out. Wow, it feels so good to let go and surrender I feel so much more free when I don't have to control everything. or protect myself from everything. Your healing work will do that for you as you do it.

So again, look around, see who you have. If you've been mulling things over in your mind by yourself, I'm inviting you to call your therapist and schedule an appointment or your energy person or schedule some sessions with me. If you already don't have a coach or mentor somebody who understands this stuff, meet with somebody who understands who gets it who can guide you so you don't have to feel chaotic anymore. And so that you don't have to do these things alone.

It feels so much better. When you feel 100% seen and heard and understood. Like somebody gets it and they're not judging you for anything. Because they get it they understand life is so hard. These things are so hard. But there is hope and there is happiness and healing and joy and peace. It's all there. We just need to get through it. So as you continue to live your life on purpose, be intentional.

Truly look at what your heart is thinking how you're feeling what walls you have, as you really do that you will see the changes that need to be made and what you need help with sending you so much love you can do this. You've got this I'm here for you if you want visit the website, schedule some sessions, RoxanneKennedyGranata.com and I will see you next time.