Episode 70: Partswork and How it Helps Your Healing

Learning how to notice what parts of us are wounded and how to heal the past can be done with Partswork (AKA IFS-Internal Family Systems) I walk you through exactly what that looks like, why it works, and how to stay neutral when it comes to dealing with the opposition that for sure shows up in our lives on a regular basis. Past wounds do not have to rule our decisions. It’s possible to clear those and become free and clear. 

Episode Transcription:

(This transcript was created using software. Please be advised that it won't be 100% accurate, and it may contain formatting errors.)

Welcome back to the Choose In podcast, I'm your host, Roxanne Grenada, we are going to be discussing parts work. I have mentioned it just in passing in brief moments. But it's important to talk about what parts work is, which is really called internal family systems. But it's just easier to call it parts work. And you'll understand why when I talk more about it. But it is it's something that I've been sharing a lot lately with clients. It's something that I went through with my counselor.

And I found that that was what I felt was necessary for my clients to be able to move forward to be able to heal other wounds, when like when we address them this way as in these parts. So I'm not going to give you any of the scientific stuff, I'm not even going to tell you the exact definition, I am going to just talk to you about it, like how it would happen or how you would experience it, I'm going to share it in a way that I experienced it. And that way you will be able to understand if it feels like something that you are in need of.

So basically, when we are going through our day, when we are going through different experiences, we have these voices in our head, that tell us things they they sometimes are mean to us, they sometimes are fearful, they will sometimes judge us or they will prevent us from making a decision. Sometimes they'll show up as very passive and meek. And sometimes they'll show up as a fighter. So all of these pieces, all these voices in our head are made up from different times of our life when we needed them.

So first of all, as we're discussing parts work, and you are thinking about your own experience, and you are thinking, Well, I mean, do I do I need to do something with these parts of me, just notice how they play out in your life, notice how much energy you give to them, if you are believing what they say, if you are are listening to them and if you are taking action or making your decisions based on these voices, which are your the parts of you. So you may have a part of you that is very fearful, in moving forward. And that fear is based on something.

So the part of you like you say you have to do something, maybe you have to change your job, you have to quit your job and move to a new job. And there's a part of you that starts talking. It may sound something like okay, well we may not get the job we want well, what if we don't have enough money now what if we our job is less than what if people don't think we're good enough for that job, this is crazy, we should just stay in the job we're in.

So that's a voice that has been created at some point in your life that has a belief that you're not good enough to have a different job or to move forward. Or there is a fear with that belief that maybe when we change things, life gets harder and we can't handle anything hard. So in the situation of doing parts work, we would take that particular voice that thought that is constantly hindering you. Because ultimately you want the new job right? You want the new thing or whatever it is that's that's ahead of you. And so we need to quiet that voice now. First of all, we think about that we want to get rid of these voices.

You know, that voice is so annoying, it's always causing me harm or, or the what the voice is saying I'm not enough is just makes my self esteem just plummet, I don't have any confidence. We want them to go away. But that's that's not what we're actually trying to do. What we're trying to do is talk to them and see what happened to them and see what needs to be heard, seen and then understood.

So the way it looks is we identify. I asked you a series of questions, you close your eyes and I asked you some questions something like maybe okay So we're going to talk about this voice, we're going to talk about this idea that's kind of hindering you this idea that, that you're, you can't get a different job because maybe it's not gonna work out or they're not gonna like you. I asked you questions like, Where do you feel that pain in your body? Where's the energy? Where do you feel that, and you might say, I feel it in my chest, I feel it in my throat, I feel it in my head, I feel it in the back of my shoulders, it doesn't matter.

You just identify where it's at. I then ask you more questions. So I would say to you, what does the voice what is that particular voice or that place? That let's just say it's in your chest? What does? What is the shape of that? What does it feel like? Is it soft? Is it hard? Is it, does it resemble something? Is it a person? Is it an object, you would answer these questions. And it's really fascinating because your body knows, your body will answer your mind will tell you what this is. Well ask it how old it is. It may know how old it is, it might tell you how old it is.

It might tell you how how long it's been with you. It might tell you when you created it, it might tell you all sorts of different things. But in this process, we ask this thing or person or it may be you it may be a younger you. What does it want to tell us? What is it so afraid of? And in that process, that's where the healing takes place. That's where we find out where the inner wound is. And they speak and they tell you, you know, right in your mind, my clients can tell you it's powerful. It's like it heals things when we hear and feel what it is that's causing us that harm.

And it'll answer you and it'll tell you, well, we can't do this. Because we would be we'd be crazy, because then we're giving up this and then what if it doesn't work out? And then we don't have a job and we can't pay our rent. Okay, all right, I hear you. Right? We hear this all right, and and how come you feel so fearful that we're not going to be able to pay the rent? Well, because when, when we were 10, we had to move from our place and into that other house because we couldn't afford it. And then the person that were living in that house told us we had to leave because they were going to use it and then we have no place to go.

Okay, does that make sense? Now I was just making that up. But do you see how there is something a belief that you created from a time in your life where you felt like this is scary or fearful or the unknown is uncertain. And then this belief came up. And so now it happens to be showing up when you're 30 years old, or 40 years old, or 50, or however old. And it is now causing you not to be able to move forward in the direction that you want, whether it's a career choice, or a relationship choice or, or anything that you want, it is showing up in this way, and it's loud, and the voice is really loud.

So when we do this, and we go through a whole process of it, by talking to figuring it out, it calms it and it lessens it and it feels good. It feels seen and heard. That's an old part of you, that now feels okay. It's like you are healing a wound from when you were younger, or, or maybe in your early 20s. And now you're 50 it's something that it quiets that voice and now that voice of you feels okay, and now you can actually make the choice and you feel very powerful.

You feel very clear headed. And now you can take the new job with confidence with this feeling of this feels so great. I'm so excited about this job versus having that voice keep trying to keep you from making that choice or that decision. So that's kind of how parts work goes. We target all different things. Because we have so many different parts of us. Everybody has a different number, it doesn't really matter. Sometimes one will quiet when we quiet another one. And sometimes one will show up and be like, hey, I want to be heard now too. And when you start doing this process, it's really cool. Because you can start noticing on your own.

Oh, hey, I think one of my parts is showing up. I think there's a part of me that showing up right now that doesn't trust because it's telling you to be skeptical of this thing or this person or this experience. And then you can know so it's almost like it gives you a major clarity, and almost like this open perspective. So you're no longer just walking through life, unconsciously just doing things because these voices tell you, you're now being able to name it and stop yourself in that in that moment of making the decision based on the voice and you can say oh, okay,

I hear you, we will address you shortly, but right now I'm going to make this decision but not with the voice in mind. When we know where it's coming from. It makes life so much easier. It's like so much more helpful when we see that, oh my goodness, I'm so glad that wasn't actually me like the inner me feeling that way, it gains something for us when we see the confidence and when our self worth isn't as low as this one voice of us is telling us. When the one voice shows up that is, is telling us that we're not enough, and we're not worth it. And people don't like us, or we're not deserving of that voice is really harmful, because it keeps us small.

And it keeps us from not being able to live our passion and our purpose, and do things that make us enjoy life. And that is, we should get to enjoy life. Life is so hard, it has so many emotions to it, there's so many ups and downs that we need to be able to enjoy life. And we can do that every time we do something for healing. And parts work just happens to be one of those things that can work, you can check with your therapist and see if they know how to do parts work.

If not, you can always schedule with me and I can walk you through that, I would love to do that you can always find that on my website, or follow me on Instagram and you can find it in my bio. But that that is an option for you. Last week, we talked about breath work, or a couple weeks ago and and breath work is another way to heal. It's like using these things so that we're not just talking about the same things over and over. But that we're actually identifying the ones that are keeping us stuck.

Because nobody likes being stuck, it feels scary, it's actually more stressful to feel stuck, then clearing those things out. And being able to do move through things and heal and grow. And we actually gain so much confidence when we get to that point. So I'm excited for you guys, those of you guys who have done parts work with me or with your therapist, I would love it when I post about this for you to make comments on Instagram to share with other people, how it has made you feel.

Because we have this this fear of doing something that's unknown. And we feel better when we hear other people have done it and that they found success. So if that's you please, please put that out there. Right, like they'll just a little tiny message or a review about it. You can also send it to me privately, either through the website or on Instagram. And then I can even keep your name out and write you as this is one of the comments of somebody who has done parts work whether with me or somebody else. It's just super helpful when we kind of band together. Because really, we're in this together, right?

We have hard lives, there are things that are hard in our life. One thing that has come up lately a lot in my sessions is the knowledge and understanding of opposition and all things. There has to be opposition, all things it's the way the Earth rotates the push in the pole, it's it's like everything universally, spiritually, emotionally, the way God works, its opposition and all things, the good and the bad, right. And so sometimes we get caught in this cycle of life is so hard, and I never have a reprieve and it's never, it's never going to change.

And we start having these wounds with God or our higher source, whoever that might be. And we start feeling like they are doing this to us, they are letting us down. But if you remember, good and bad oppositional things, that means they're going to be side by side. That means even when we're doing everything, right, or good or on the right track, and we think well I'm doing all these things, life should be easier. When we know the concept of opposition than we will know that opposition is trying to meet us right where we are. So we grow it meets us we grow smaller and meets us.

So it's going to be there, whether we choose not to grow at all, or whether we grow so we might as well grow and have it there. So what's cool is that when we do parse work, it's similar to starting to recognize and understand opposition so we can see it for what it is. It's like instead of being like, why does this keep happening? It's like, oh, that voice that's talking is a part of me. It's not my core being it's the same as opposition and all things when that opposition shows up and tries to cause us harm. It's not God or the Universe trying to harm us it's opposition.

So when we can see it clear, we don't have to jump in the spin cycle of it. We don't have to fall into the into the pit and be swirling around and thrashing and, and somebody saved me This is terrible, right? We don't have to do that. We can be like, Oh, we can observe it and be like okay, that's opposition. That is Satan or however dark wood however you view darkness that is that we can look at the voices that are coming at us or parts of us as some of that opposition as well. Those ones though we love those because they are us and we want to heal our wounds.

Either way, though, it's kind of like imagining yourself standing down the center center line, and having our parts work on on the line to the right of us and have opposition on the line to the left of us. And we're in the middle, we're staying neutral, we look to the right, and we say, Oh, that's a part of me that just showed up. Okay, I must be feeling scared or feeling fearful about something. Oh, we look to the left. Oh, darkness is trying to take me down and tell me that I am nothing, whatever it's telling you. Right. And we stay in the middle, we stay neutral.

That neutrality will help us see this clearly. So we don't ride the roller coaster of everything's always bad. And I barely get ahead. And then it's and then it's worse again, we don't even have to do that. We just go okay, here's Opposition. Well, I now know what it is. And it won't harm you the same. It's like when we learn how to set a boundary. And we follow up for the first time or the second or the third or the fourth. And we're like, wow, this feels good. It feels so much better. Holding this boundary, I feel more safe, I feel at peace, I protected myself.

When we do that. We realize, Oh, we don't have to jump in the spiral spin. We don't have to accommodate somebody else at our expense. It's the same feeling that we'll get when we learn where our parts those parts are and where opposition is. We it's like a boundary we learn Oh, okay, I see you. I see you parked Oh, I see what position I'm not going to get in it with you. I'm actually going to stay right here. But I am going to work on it. I mean, they're going to put on my blocks on my boundaries against opposition, as far as the darkness is concerned.

Or I'm going to notice my parts on the other side and be like, Oh, okay, you want to talk to me right now you want to be addressed, you want to heal a wound, great, I am here for you. Let's do it. So it can be very empowering to take charge of your healing. And it looks different for everybody. Some things will resonate with you, and maybe not other things. But give these new things that chance. If you haven't done EMDR before, if you haven't done parts work, if you haven't done breath work, give something new a try, so that you can see how much relief you can have.

So you can like reach that next layer that next level of healing, to where you can say what I said when I was in counseling, and I had parts work, oh my goodness, I cannot believe that I get to do this. It was life changing. I loved it so much. I want that for you, I want you to thrive, I don't want you to be stuck in the same pain and sadness over and over and over and over. We want you to learn how to get yourself out of the hamster wheel, the hamster wheel will spin you and spend you and spin you, you'll get out and then you'll be uncomfortable.

And if you don't heal the wounds of your discomfort, you'll get back in the hamster wheel do the same thing over and over and over. It's it's that insanity concept, right? Doing the same thing over and over wanting a different result, it doesn't happen. So by choosing something new, it challenges the discomfort. So you jump out of the hamster wheel, you're super scared, you're super uncomfortable, you're uncertain all of that's true. All of its real, it is scary to do new things.

But you do something new anyway. And it challenges all the pain and it challenges the false beliefs and it heals the parts work and you recognize when Satan has a an attachment to trying to take you down, and you realize how awesome you already are. And you just need to heal these things so that you can progress. It's really pretty fascinating and pretty cool to see what our body and mind can do. And how it actually helps us in our healing. When I'm facilitating parts work with you. I'm not healing you. All I'm doing is asking you the questions that you're asking yourself. And then you you are coming up with the solutions.

Your inner healing is in there. And you just need somebody to help you facilitate the process. And that's why I'm here. And I absolutely love what I do so much. It's my it's my favorite thing ever to have this career. I am truly living my purpose. And the only reason I was able to figure all of this out and be be where I am now where I get to meet with you guys or talk with you through the podcast or help you in some way is because I chose into that process of choosing the new healing tools.

I let Ryan try EMDR on me when he was when he was training for it and then I let him practice parts work with me. And then I took the course and did a class with the breathwork and then I needed to get trained so I could help you it all comes together. It all is line upon line. That's how your life is that's how my life is. Everything happens in one moment at a time and each little moment and adds up to clarity and awareness and happiness and goodness and joy and I want that for you because it is possible and you're worth it to have it.

So if you have any questions, if you if you want to know more about these things, if you need help with any of these things, please reach out please follow me on Instagram and send me a message. I am totally here for you. I really truly love my clients so much and I would love to meet you if you are ready to meet with me. So thank you for being here and I will see you next time.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai